A Day of Rollercoasters

Yesterday was pretty grueling. I woke up with a horrible stomach that has been haunting me for a few days and a "To Do" list that was never-ending. I had a lot of loose ends that needed to be finished-including calling Social Security for an appointment. For those who know me, this is a task I DREAD! Every time I had called in the past to the main office I'd go through the menu as best as I could to get to a person. Well, once I thought I was where I'd get a person, it'd say "All operators are busy at the moment. Please try your call later." AND HANG UP ON ME! I was baffled! I tried for 20 minutes just to get hung up on?! So yesterday, having to call S.S. was not one of my favorite things to do. I got the local office number and gave it a try.

Believe it or not, I was able to reach a person! I explained to her that I had been told about a month ago how much I needed to earn in the first quarter, and that once I reached that I needed to make an appointment. Almost immediately she fought me. She told me, I don't qualify for anything if my husband and I were still married and I was still working. So I patiently tried again to explain to her that I had been TOLD by someone in her office to call and make an appointment, and that person was fully aware of my situation. That's why she asked me to come in, my case is a little more complex. I was declared disabled, but because I chose to work and get married, I became "un-disabled" (if there is such a thing?). The operator was still refusing to hear me out, and kept saying that she couldn't give me an appointment if I was just going to be denied. OMG!

This is when I lost it, I started crying...trying to hold back the tears I basically begged her for an appointment. That's when she got nasty. "Ma'am don't start crying- that ain't going to work here. Stop your crying and listen." I couldn't believe it. Stunned, I started SOBBING. I was out of control. I've been told different things by every single person I had talked to at Social Security and DCF, and it all seemed like no matter what no one cared enough to want to hear me out and help. My sobbing slowly subsided long enough to get an appointment next month. That means its in next quarter (since 1st is Jan-Mar) and I've already began 2nd. So if they say I still haven't worked long enough, then that means I'll have to push myself a little harder to earn the precious amount they want - so that I can become "disabled" again.

This brings me to another point. I was lucky to be healthy enough to make something of my life. I went to college, I built a career doing what I love, and married a man that I love. I didn't shortchange the life I had been given just because I had a life-altering disease.  I did and do everything I can, in the past and present.  For this, the government no longer sees my having Cystic Fibrosis as a disability. This is a progressive disease. I knew that when I began my studies, when I married my husband. But this never stopped me from trying to postpone the progression. I did a pretty darn good job of that up until recently. People who work with the Disability office should learn some compassion, and not just see if you can categorize each person. Where is the reward for trying and succeeding? I ask this sarcastically, because I have been rewarded in other ways. I love my life and I don't regret a minute of how I have lived it. That's my reward for now, until I get my new lungs =)